Wow! It’s been quite some time since I have been on this thing. But clear the cob webs, I’m back! A lot has happened since I last blogged.
I lived in New York for 6 months with a public relations internship, I’m now a senior in college..OMG and I’m going to be Aunt Katie in March! I’m not quite sure why I stopped making posts. Maybe it was because I was so busy or maybe it’s because I ran out of things to write about..but with my ehh year? hiatus I have MORE than enough things to write about. My goal in writing this blog is to share some of my past experiences while hopefully sparking some inspiration to live a positive life!
As much as I absolutely loved my experience with my internship in NYC, one thing is for sure—New York chewed me up and spit me back out feeling a little lost. I barely made it out alive.
Ok, maybe not that dramatic, but New York really forced me to step back and take a look at my life with a completely different perspective, a perspective I’m hoping you can relate to
When I first arrived in New York I was ALL about having the perfect “New Yorky” style. Screw the running shorts, over-sized half zip sweatshirt and sneakers I wore as my daily uniform for the past 3 years. I was ready for a NY black ensemble complete with a fierce walk while I constantly reminded myself NOT to say sorry when I bumped into people on the streets of Manhattan.
I was determined to fit in—but I failed at this many different times. The first time I got slapped in the face with the reality that I was NOT a ”New Yorker” was through my experience with the subway system. I learned that to city goers who actually know what they’re doing, watching some idiotic blonde run around the subway is quite entertaining. I started each day running around with my head cut off yelling “um which way is the F train? How do I get uptown? Oh is this the downtown train? Wait shit!! I was supposed to take the E train!”
I once intended to go from 34th Street to 57th Street (seems pretty simple) but I somehow ended up crossing the Brooklyn Bridge and being hours away from home with a dead cell phone and no cash—but that’s beside the point.
I was SO caught up in changing and focused on becoming a New York fashionista that I really lost myself. I must have left Katie on the other side of the Brooklyn Bridge when I had my first (yes I had many) directional extravaganza.
Without even realizing. it had been a week and just like that, she was gone.
I peaced out on the, smiley sure-of-herself Katie like a pair of last season UGG boots.
Have you ever done something similar?
Have you ever felt so good about yourself, so incredibly sure of your identity–and then a friend tells you that’s “annoying” or “not cool” and you ditch that habit faster than a clingy dude at the bars?
Well maybe you haven’t. But I think at each stage in our life we face obstacles and we struggle with an issue so difficult, that we decide if we just change a couple of exterior things everything will be better.
With such unhappiness, I completely checked out of even having feelings. I had put every ounce of my energy into fitting in, that I didn’t even realize how much time I had let pass by. I left behind every value and attitude I ever had leaving me with some emotionless stranger.
Now that I’m back at school, I can clearly see that the biggest mistake I ever made was leaving myself behind when I first arrived in New York. So now I am determined to hold on to all of the thoughts, attitudes and beliefs that make up Katie. I never want to lose who I really am again.
Easier said than done.
We live in a world that is constantly trying to change us. The fashion industry telling us that we will be happy if we buy the latest overpriced handbag and health magazines telling us that if we don’t have a thigh gap…well you better get one.
No thanks. These industries aren’t to blame. It’s there job to make readers and consumers feel like they “need” what is being advertised. But it is our job to stick like glue to who we really are.
Happiness doesn’t come from clothes or shoes or hot boyfriends (well maybe hot boyfriends—but you have to love yourself first).
Happiness comes from being content within.
I was so eager to ditch the Katie that had given me health and happiness for 21 years—but for what?
I hope that in sharing my struggle I can encourage others to stand strong against every person and every thing trying to change you.
There are going to be days you struggle and don’t want to even get out of bed (no not from being hungover) but because you feel worthless, inadequate. We’ve all been there. But stick with it. Know that if you get through the tough days without trying to “change” yourself, the good days will really be worth it.
I know when you’re feeling down its easy to move your focus to your exterior appearance and change something. The classic dye your hair a slightly different color (I’ve done this many times) or pierce something or lose weight. It’s all crap. Just a distraction. Although hair color and weight don’t cause you to completely lose your identity, it certainty leads you down that path.
In an ever-changing world, it’s easy to lose sight of who you really are. But take each opportunity as it presents itself, and enjoy the adventures life gives us. No matter how tempting it may seem, no change will ever be enough. So quit overthinking detox diets, Pinterest wish-lists and just work on your sole existence to live.